I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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