we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
