Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
