On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize