Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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