she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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