Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize