Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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