No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
