Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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