I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
