haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
