there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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