FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
