Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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