god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
