Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
