Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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