PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
