I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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