How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
