i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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