The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
