She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
