I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
