put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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