somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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