what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
