we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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