Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
not ubering you a puppy
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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