I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
