Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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