Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
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