tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
How does one acquire holy water?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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