I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
