We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
This house was built for laser tag.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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