ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize