Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
