hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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