somebody snuck up and got me drunk
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
