I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
