hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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