My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
