im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
