Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
