there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
