Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize