Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
