Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I use my feet as sexual weapons
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
