Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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