1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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