Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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