I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
