Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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