I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
