The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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