it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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