i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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