ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
