Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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