no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
So many bounce houses so little time
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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