respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
