Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
