we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
