shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
it hurts more in the daytime
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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