just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You can't motorboat a personality
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
