Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
