I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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